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Celebrity Morgue

Celebrity Morgue - September 27, 2004

The Beautiful Dead

So here I go with another deadly idea. This page I will call "The Beautiful Dead." The requirements are that you are beautiful - and dead! No sheeet, man! And it helps to be reasonably famous, of course. I guess we can consider Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe and Marlon Brando reasonably famous right? These three fine specimens of American meat are perfect to start this little shindig, don't you think? Anyway, I'm collecting beautiful (and haunting) pictures of our finest before they made the transition. I don't remember where I got these pics but I wish I could so that I can steal some more! No, really, if anyone objects to me stealing these pictures and placing them here for all my pretties to enjoy, well, make yourself known, and I will comply with your rules. Sorry, I just couldn't resist these and I hope everyone will enjoy what I intend to fill this page up with. So go on now. Stop looking at me and carry on! Happy Halloween! Janet

Elvis Presley

Lovely Elvis. Remember the movie True Romance? Well, in that movie, the main character really idolizes Elvis and he says something to the effect that, if he had to f**k a guy, I mean he's not gay or anything, but he says, if he just had to f**k a guy, well, it would be Elvis. Yep, he would f**k Elvis because he was really a beautiful guy, right? Well, you know what? I'd f**k Elvis too - I mean not right now (ew) - but back then? Sure thing! I would of only been about 2 years old or so but what the f**k! Tee hee! Janet

Marilyn Monroe

Okay, next! No, I would NOT f**k Marilyn Monroe - now or then! Nope, nope! But wasn't she a gorgeous broad! She was the shit, I tell ya, the shit! They just don't make 'em like that anymore. And I hear everyone saying, oh my Gawd, she actually wore a size 14 dress! So what's with that?! For the biggest majority of the American women population, a size 14 is the goal to strive for! Get real, guys, Marilyn was one gorgeous hunk of woman and a size 14 looked beeeeutiful on her! Now, let me go squeeeeeeeeze into my 14's! I'm a loser, Janet.

Marlon BrandoMarlon Brando

Well, looky who's here! Boy, you know? These guys have to give up A LOT to be on my web page. Cackle! Chuckle! But I think the ultimate sacrifice is quite enough to grace these Halloween's Unseen pages. Now who out there does not like Marlon Brando? If you don't, then shutup. Now, wasn't he a hunk in his day? Gorgeous -- if you like that sort of burly, pouty, I'm going to get you look. And check out those arms! And check out that - oops - wrong picture! Sorry couldn't put that one up! You'll have a taste (hee!) of that in the stuff I've got below. Anywho, what can be said about good ol' Marlon Brando? Well, firstly, he's now officially dead (no shit). Secondly, I heard tell that in order to get that jowley look in The Godfather, he had to stuff cotton balls in his cheeks. Thirdly, the tragic stuff here, Marlon's son killed Marlon's daughter's boyfriend, the son went to prison and the daughter committed suicide over the murder of her boyfriend. I think there's more but I've got to check. It's amazing that Marlon was as good of an actor as he was; I think the word here is brilliant, right? Anyway, I'll go away now but, please, enjoy these pics of dear, dear, dead Marlon Brando.

Uh, oh. Do you hear that? Do you know what time it is, kiddies? Yes, Yes! Behold, it is time to poke fun at our dear friend with a very long poker, Mr., yes, you guessed it, Jim Morrison of The motherf**king Doors! Yee haw! Now check this out, and ladies, do have a seat for you may fall whilst you are swooning as I make my presentation! Okay, as I was saying, speaking of Ho's, this here gorgeous hunk of well-educated American meat, albeit dead American meat, was, well, he was a true fine specimen if ever I seen one. Dig this picture here, man. Oh-my-gawd.

Jim Morrison

And, of course, the ever-popular picture that we all know and luv, Jim and his banana. What a guy!

Jim Morrison and his banana

My, my, this page is not kid-safe at all! I never intend for this sort of thing to happen, I just don't know what comes over me, har, har! Anyway, dear Jim was not only beautiful but very, very intelligent and talented. He was a poet of true faith. I respect him for that and I hear tell that he really only loved one woman his whole life, and that was me. Ha, got ya! Anyway, Jim always called her "his girl" and her name was Pamela Courson. She was very beautiful and she had to be a saint as well to put up with Jim's antics. Pamela was with him until the very end and she went on to die only 3 years after Jim of a heroin overdose, both dying at the age of 27. Isn't that romantic? Here's my favorite picture of Jim and Pam.

Jim and Pam

Gee, it kind of makes me want to go out there and get a boyfriend or something. I hadn't thought of that. Maybe if I'd do that, I'd stop being this screeching mad evil bitch that I've become lately. Well, speaking of coming, I've got to go get off (the internet). Boy, y'all sure got dirty minds out there! Okay, I'm done. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I really luv y'all now! Janet! (I'll be glad when I get tired of this page, it's been hard on me . . . STOP!!!)


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